You and I
by LoveFromShinola
Summary: Lily visits her parents after graduation and bumps into Severus Snape. What do the two old friends have to say to one another, when they now know they can never really be friends anymore?


**AN:**

**Okay, so I wanted to do just a little one-shot on Snape and Lily meeting before her death but after her marriage but before Harry. Make sense? I've worked out the timeline like this. So, James and Lily graduated Hogwarts in 1978. If Harry was born in July 1980, he was conceived in October 1979. So I'm setting the date of their wedding in May 1979. This however is set in September 1978. After her graduation, Lily returns to her parents' home, where she comes face to face with a certain Slytherin. I also figure that, if Snape had been eagerly working for Voldemort in 1980 (he supplied him with the prophecy) then maybe he'd only just started being a fully fledged Death Eater and wanted to impress him, so didn't think about what he was telling him. So, I'm placing Severus' initiation in late May 1979, just after the Potters' wedding, when Severus knew he could never have Lily for his own. BTW, I do NOT own Harry Potter. All rights go to JK and Warner Bros.**

_September 1__st__ 1978_

It was an odd feeling to have, when they woke up that day. Lily Evans and James Potter, drowsy and thoughtful, lay thinking on the coming years of their lives. They'd stayed in bed longer than they usually would. There was nothing to do that day; that was almost painfully plain to see.

For the first time in seven years of discovery and wonder, September 1st would not bring a new year at Hogwarts.

They were both eighteen, both happy and hope-filled, but it was an odd thing to understand that a part of their lives that had meant so much to them was now truly over and done. Would their professors forget them, as a new batch of seventh years took their places? Would their names be remembered, would the place stay the same? What new, exciting things might go on without them? To the wizarding world, they had been adults for over a year. To them, they were kids playing house. Leaving behind a place of security for a world of the unknown. It was almost nauseating. They'd seen it coming for weeks of course. Months. But, knowing that the train was setting off any minute now _without them _was stranger than they'd ever thought it would be.

'11:00,' James sighed, watching the red digits of the alarm tick from 59 to 00. The deadline. 'It's gone.'

'Weird, isn't it?' Lily breathed into his chest.

'Yep. Are we overreacting?' James wondered, always careful to never be anything but normal.

'Don't think so. It's – it's a big step, the whole, starting out on your own thing. Knowing they're going without us is basically the last stop on the road to adulthood. You ready for it?' she grinned, looking up at his boyish face, remembering pranks and stupid remarks.

'God, no. Being mature? Overrated.' She hit him and he smirked, 'Being with you, though. That sounds good.' She settled, stretching like a contented cat. Mission accomplished.

'Well, enough greasing and reminiscing.' She sat up, fiery hair unfurling and rolling across her shoulder blades, 'I have to go see my parents today. Promised Mum I'd see her in September.'

'It's only the 1st!' James complained, reaching to pull her back down.

'Yes,' Lily persisted, 'But it _is _September. If I don't go now, she'll just ring me every day this month until I show up. Best to get it out of the way.'

James frowned, 'Thought you liked your Mum.'

Lily groaned, 'Yeah. I do. I love my Mum. And Dad. But Petunia's going to be there with Vernon.'

'Eurgh,' James sounded in disgust, 'not the walrus. Want me to come with you?'

'No. No, not after last time. It's bad enough that he'll see me. You don't want an argument again, do you?'

'S'pose not,' James yawned, sitting up himself as Lily slipped on her dressing gown. 'Anyway…what's for breakfast?'

Lily rolled her eyes at him as he sat there like a little child, eyes gleaming. 'Don't know,' she answered. 'Whatcha making?' His face dropped, his bottom lip drooped, and she caved. 'Kiddinggg,' she sang, 'You make the teas, I'll do the bacon.' He looked too smug in that instant, so she made sure to throw a pillow at him before she went out the door.

_Later that day in Cokeworth_

Mr and Mrs Evans were bored to tears. While they had a sort of twisted appreciation for their son-in-law, Vernon Dursley was a man who always tended to try too hard, and generally succeeded in being nothing short of tedious.

'So, when they arrive at the ninth hole - '

'Mum! Dad! Hi!'

A wave of relief washed over the pair, as Lily entered the lounge.

'Lily!' Mrs Evans exclaimed, rushing to embrace her younger daughter. 'Thank God you're here!' she hissed and Lily tried hard not to smile. The same sort of relief was evident on her father's face as well.

'Hello, Lil.' Mr Evans said, hugging her tight, 'You okay?'

'Yeah, Dad. I'm fine.'

'How's James?' he asked and immediately Lily subtly noted the contempt in her brother-in-law's features.

'He's fine. He told me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't come, but he had some things to do at the Ministry.'

A noise of distaste sounded from the sofa, and Lily looked to see her sister, prim, proper, straight-backed and long-necked, staring up at her.

'Hi, Tuney!' she called, partly to annoy her sister. She hated being called Tuney in front of her husband. For the sake of their parents, Petunia held her sister for a grand total of three seconds, before retreating away and pulling at the fingers of her gloves as if they were contaminated.

'Vernon. It's nice to see you.' A quick succession of air kisses followed. Thank _God _they were air kisses. Vernon could be a reasonable sort of bloke when he managed it. He certainly treated Petunia well enough. But Lily just couldn't shake her dislike of him. There was something foreboding about his hatred of anything different. Anything not _'_normal'. Petunia was her sister. She loved her whether the love was returned or not. Vernon, however, she had a problem with.

The next few minutes were spent in an uncomfortable silence, until Mrs Evans excused herself to boil the kettle and her husband followed eagerly. After a few more seconds of knife-cutting atmosphere, Lily excused herself as well.

'Wow,' she huffed, clicking shut the kitchen door, 'well _that _was awkward.'

Mrs Evans smiled as she ran the water and Mr Evans chuckled from the table.

For the next few minutes Lily told her parents everything they'd missed since she'd seen them last. They had always been desperate to hear news of her magical world and Lily had ever been obliging. When she took out her wand to dry the dishes, her mother almost expired from excitement. They watched, wide-eyed, as the last cup and saucer floated into the cupboard and the door swung shut.

'Absolutely fantastic, isn't it Iris?' Mr Evans said, regarding Lily with a mixture of pride and awe.

'It is indeed,' said Iris, hoisting herself from the chair, 'but I think we'd best get back in there.'

'Mum,' Lily said, 'you know all they're gonna do is ignore me. How about I go for a walk and I'll come back in an hour? They'll be on their way back to Surrey by then, won't they?'

'They will if I have anything to say about it,' muttered Mr Evans.

'Richard!' admonished his wife, whacking him across the back of the head with a kitchen towel, 'She's still our daughter, just as much as Lily.'

'Yeah, I know, I know. I love Petunia. Just not entirely fond of the walrus, that's all.' He earned another whack for his cheek.

Lily set off down the street fuming with herself. She'd let Petunia and Vernon force her out of her own parents' home! Why hadn't she walked back in there and started talking loudly about Hogwarts and spells and Albus Dumbledore? She walked on aimlessly, letting her feet take her wherever they felt like.

James was busy at the Ministry, chatting with Arthur and Sirius about a new venture for the Order. At the thought of it, she pulled her cardigan tighter around her. She was petrified that sooner rather than later she'd lose someone dear to her. With all that was going on, it was only a matter of time.

Her feet had brought her to the playground before she knew it and stopped on the sidelines, inches from the grass. She hadn't been here in years. She'd avoided it scrupulously after fifth year, not wanting to run into Severus. This was where they'd met.

_Oh stop being stupid woman, _she thought to herself, _he's practically a Death Eater now. He's not going to be lurking around Muggle playgrounds waiting for you! Get over yourself and get on a bloody swing._

She marched across, determined not to be defeated and threw herself down on her favourite swing. Third from the left, higher than the others for some strange reason, and began to swing. She suddenly felt like a nine year old, whizzing higher and higher, and wondered fleetingly whether she'd still be able to jump and float. She'd barely had the time to formulate the possibility of actually _doing _it, before her dizzy senses, blurring and fleeting, caught sight of a dark, unfocused shape, hovering by the large oak tree at the edge of the playing fields.

_It's not him, _she thought to herself, in a care-free, sing-song voice, _why on Earth would he be here, Evans? Stop being such an egomaniac. He wouldn't come here to this scrubby old playground to wait for you like some sort of stalker._

Only he would. Or had. Or maybe it was coincidence. Because as she slowed the swing to a halt, she knew it was him. He tried to hide, nervous, but she'd seen him. There was no mistaking Severus.

'You can come out,' she called, 'I've seen you anyway.'

He edged out, a deer-caught-in-headlights expression on his face, just for a second, until was smoothed over, and that mask that had replaced her once best friend was there and unmovable.

'Lily.' He greeted, with a rather severe nod of his head. She'd have laughed if all of a sudden she weren't so terribly sad.

_Stay cool, Lil. Remember what he said, remember that word. Don't be such a nice goose all the time! Be angry for Merlin's sake! If you can manage it._

She set her face into a stony glare.

'Why're you here?'

'Can't I visit my mother without being accused of tailing you?'

'If your mother lives in the playground, then yeah. But in case you've forgotten I know how far it is to your house from here. You have to take a detour. So I'll ask again: Why're you here?'

'I was just walking by, _Evans. _Don't see why it's any of your business. But, as you might recall, even if I am visiting my mother, I don't particularly want to be around her twenty four hours a day.'

_Don't show emotion, Lily. Except anger. Anger's good._

'Well, maybe I had forgotten. Don't see why I should remember, what with you being such an egotistical arse these days.'

'And I'm sure you're the one to talk about egotistical arses.' He sneered. 'How is Potter anyway?'

'_James _is just fine, thanks. Hasn't called a mudblood yet, so he's doing better than some people.'

'Nice.' He said, sarcastically. Then all of a sudden there was a shift of gear, and the slightest part of Sev peeked out from under Snape's veneer. 'I've told you again and again I'm sorry for that. We all say things we don't mean.'

'Maybe we do. But some things just cut too deep. Maybe I could've forgiven you for that. Maybe, if you'd been less of a Dark Arts worshipper, we could have been friends again. But the second I started to think, maybe I'm being too harsh, you'd started hanging back around with Mulciber and Avery, whispering in little corners about the Dark Lord and supremacy and curses and loyalty.' She spat out the last part of the sentence, hating the taste of the words on her tongue. To his credit, he looked genuinely taken aback.

'I can't help what went on then, Lily.' _Oh, back to Lily then are we? _'I can only say I'm sorry. If that's good enough - '

'No, Severus. It's _not _good enough!' she threw herself off the swing enraged and he had enough sense to take a step back. 'It's gone too far now! It's not a kids' little argument. It's not even about what happened back then. You're not in the Order, Severus. You're not involved with it in the slightest, you don't talk to anyone I know. So that means you're on the _other _side, that means you're with _him!' _She hissed. 'I knew it! I knew you were, but I never – I never could let myself believe it! Stupid Lily, thinking that after all the proof I'd seen with my own eyes, it couldn't really happen, could it? But it has! Have you had your initiation yet?'

'No.' he answered, eyes on the ground. She might have seen it for shame if she'd have cared at all.

'_No? _But you're going to, aren't you? He's biding his time, sizing you up, testing you. But sooner or later you're going to be walking around with that mark on your arm, Severus! So don't stand there and apologise to me for a stupid _word _when we were kids. Don't. We're not kids anymore! This is _so much _bigger than that! This is life and death, this is good and evil. This is _war!_ We're on opposite sides. We're done.'

She went to storm off, but in the first brash movement he'd made since she'd seen him, he jumped for her arm and held it.

'Get _off!_'

'You can't just leave it like that.' He said, voice still irritatingly calm.

'Why can't I? I think we've said all we need to say. You've chosen your friends, I've chosen mine.'

'And Potter?'

'What about him?' she seethed, infuriated. 'What do you want me to say?'

'Do you love him?'

That stopped her. She didn't know why, but it did.

'What?' she said.

'It's a simple enough question. Do. You. Love. Him?'

'Yes.'

'But you had to think about it.'

'No! No, I didn't. You just – you surprised me. You asked me a _personal _question.'

'You think it's personal, but it's not. If you love him, everyone knows it. What's personal about it?'

'I – stop it! You're confusing me. You're trying to trick me!'

'Into what?'

He was still so calm.

'I don't know!'

'If you had to think about - '

'We're getting married!' she screeched. Anything to stop him talking, making her head feel light and airy.

'What?'

At last. She'd finally made him stop.

'We're getting married.' She said, calmer now. 'James and I. In May. That's why I'm here. I came to tell Mum and Dad.'

'Then why are you - ' he asked. Anything to get away from that dreaded subject.

'Tuney and Vernon are over there. I didn't exactly feel welcome, so I thought I'd go back when they left.'

'Oh.'

'That's it? 'Oh.' No, _Congratulations! _Nothing?'

'Congratulations?' he said, as if the word might burn him. 'You expect me to _congratulate you?_' He let go of her arm, as if she was suddenly repulsive to him.

'Well, no, I don't expect it. Not from you. But that is what people normally say when -'

'When people make stupid mistakes?' He'd said it before he'd thought and her bright eyes turned furiously fire-filled.

'Don't you _dare! _Just because _you _haven't moved on, and gotten a life for yourself! Don't you dare dry to ruin this for me!'

'Lily, I - '

'No! You know, just when I think you might have a _shred _of common decency left in you, you go and do something like that. That's it, Severus. That's it. I won't do this anymore. I won't guilt myself, I won't reconsider, I just – I won't! You go and you take your bat and ball and you leave. Just leave!'

'I didn't – I wasn't thinking - '

'Yes you were! That's the trouble. You never, hardly ever, say what you think. Well, now you have. Now you have! And you know what? I don't want to hear it anymore! I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you thinking you know what's better for me. We haven't talked since we were fifteen! You don't even _know _James, not really. You just have this distorted, childish image of him. Well, guess what? He's the one that's grown up and you're still that little kid with a grudge.'

He opened his mouth, but she wouldn't let him speak.

'I have to go. Don't speak to me again. Don't try to see me, don't come near me. It's over. This, whatever the hell it is, it's done. I'm marrying James in May, Severus! May! And that's it.'

All anger gone, all energy dissipating, she took one last, teary look at her old best friend.

'Grow up, Sev.' The use of that silly old nickname jerked him, 'Grow up, like the rest of us have. And _please_, please. Come to your senses. I don't want to have to hurt you one day.'

'I don't want to hurt you either,' he managed to choke out.

Her sad eyes looked at him and he couldn't bare the pity.

'If you – if you ever _do _see sense – find me. If not – bye, Sev. It was nice to know you, once.'

He tried to match her farewell, but he couldn't speak. She turned and trudged across the wet grass, hands in her pockets, back to her parents' house. He could follow her. He knew where she lived with Potter. But he wouldn't. He'd leave her to the life she'd managed to make for herself. A life without him. A life with Potter. A life that was just beginning.

**AN:**

**What did you think? I wanted to write a little piece where these two had a bit of a slanging match. Everyone paints Lily as this perfect angel, but she's bound to have had a lot of repressed anger about the whole thing with Severus. This is my way of giving her an outlet. REVIEW PLEASE? **


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